Ziva: Alone With My Thoughts
by TerraRini
Summary: Ziva POV. When Ziva does something unexpected, can she handle the consequences of her actions? Short story. Rated T for a mildly suggestive scene. Please review!


Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.

Ziva: Alone With A Thought.

_Oh it can't be….please._

The bathroom door was solid against her back, and the floor beneath her was cold. She shivered, out of nervousness as she waited, counting the seconds in her head, fighting the urge to look at the watch in her hand. It had only been a few seconds, even if it already felt like an eternity had passed.

_What would I tell my father? No…he has no right to know now. He gave up that right when he sent me to my death.._

She looked up at the mirror above the sink. It reflected the wall opposite. She fought against herself, not wanting to look at the object that sat on the edge of the sink.

_And Tony…it wasn't supposed to happen. We both knew better._

Three weeks ago, Ziva and Tony had been in Richmond on a case, and it had required that they stay overnight. Ziva closed her eyes, remembering the evening well.

After they'd finished with the preliminary interviews, Tony had asked if she wanted to catch a bite for supper at a local restaurant. The drive had been quiet. Over dinner, they discussed the case, and then they'd gone back to the hotel where they'd already reserved adjoining rooms.

Ziva had showered, and changed into her pajamas, when she realized that she'd left her cell phone in the car and Tony had the keys. She'd gone to his room to get the keys, and knocked softly on the door. It was still early, so he shouldn't be asleep, but she didn't want to disturb any of the other guests.

He'd answered the door in a towel, tucked tightly against damp flesh.

She'd fought the urge to blush like a naïve school girl. After all, he surely wasn't the first bare chested man she'd seen. But she'd felt something for him for a long time…and seeing him without a shirt, with his skin fresh and clean and smelling of Axe body wash..she was practically drooling.

He raised an eyebrow. "What's up?"

She'd swallowed, and tilted her head. "I uh..forgot my phone in the car, and I told Abby I'd call her so we could make plans for our trip this weekend."

Tony had nodded, and leaving the door open had gone in to retrieve the keys to the government car they'd used for the trip. Ziva remained in the doorway until he returned with them and dropped them into her hand. "You ok?" He asked.

She had merely shrugged before turning to go out and retrieve her phone, forgetting that she was only wearing a t-shirt and shorts and how cool it had been that evening.

When she'd returned, she was fighting a shiver as she knocked on his door again.

He came to the door wearing a comfortable t-shirt that showed evidence of a few too many uses in a few threadbare patches, and a pair of gym shorts, and holding a glass of wine. "I figured you might be cold, after going out.."

She only nodded, holding out the keys. He looked so sexy in casuals.

A few glasses of wine later they were both feeling the warmth from the wine. Ziva had risen from the small sofa in the room where she'd sat while they talked about the case and drank wine, and he'd set down his half empty glass to walk her to the door, only they never made it that far. She'd gone a few steps toward it, yes, but he'd met her there, and he had held out a hand for her nearly empty glass, but as he'd lifted it out of her hand, she'd been overcome by the urge to kiss him. Perhaps it was the wine…perhaps it was just that the wine had given her the excuse to feel comfortable displaying her feelings, but suddenly she'd pressed her lips against his, and her head had reeled in the fact that he didn't pull away.

_Maybe it was just the wine…_

Color rose to her cheeks again as she opened her eyes against the memory.

_What will Gibbs say? It can only mean that I'll be transferred to a different unit. But I don't want to leave the team! _

The weekend trip Ziva and Abby had been planning had been wonderful. They'd flown to a coastal Maine village on Booth Bay Harbor, and had rented a room in a cozy little place called the Blue Moon Inn. They'd taken boat rides along the Maine coast, tried fishing, checked out the shops in the quaint little village, and bought little trinkets at the Enchantment's Boutique.

In the evening, they'd sat on the floor of the hotel room, eating ice cream out of a Ben N Jerry's tub while discussing Abby's recent relationship.

Ziva had tried not to think about the lapse in sanity between herself and Tony, but Abby had grown bored of the one-sided conversation, and had asked her what was wrong. She had only shrugged, and said "I guess I'm tired, that walk around the village was a bit long.."

_I should've talked to her. She's one of the few women I've ever felt was a true friend…"_

_And Gibbs. What will he say? He's been like a father to me. And I owe him so much. _

Ziva thought back to the moment when she had squeezed the trigger, firing the bullet that had killed her brother. It seemed so long ago, but she'd known even then how much she loved Gibbs liked the father she'd never had.

Sure, her father had loved her, loved her ability to complete the tasks set to her, to kill when she was asked to kill, and to fetch information. She had been a trained assassin, and spy for her father, until she'd come as a liaison officer for Mossad to NCIS in Washington D.C, and been assigned to Gibbs' unit.

And she had learned from Gibbs how to be a totally different sort of person…a person she had liked being. Even when Tony had driven her crazy with sexual inuendos, and McGee had corrected her misphrasings of common quotes constantly, and Abby had hated her guts simply for being Cate's replacement.

_How will Tony react…_

She had put the evening between herself and Tony behind her over the following weeks, until she realized she was a week late. She'd checked and double checked her calendar, and then panicked. Her first reaction was an internal scream of fear, which was closely followed by a trip to the local pharmacy to purchase the test.

The alarm on her watch went off, telling her it was time to check the results of the home pregnancy test. She pushed herself up off the floor, walked to the sink and lifted the little white stick off the porcelain surface.

There was only one line.

_Thank heaven, it's negative.._

She sighed a heavy breath of relief, tossing the stick in the garbage, along with the packaging. As she turned to leave the bathroom, she glanced back at the mirror, reflecting eyes that were, not relieved as she had expected, but sad.

_I wonder if we could've made it work, if we could've been happy. Tony's a good man..he would've made a great father….._

**A/N: Ok, so…I woke up with this thought in my head, and decided to run with it...since it's been in my head all day. I hope you all enjoyed :D Please review! **


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